Wednesday, June 6, 2012

letter

i wrote this letter to a friend about my personal experience on finding my spiritual fit incase you're wondering. i hope it was helpful to her. i know it was helpful & healthy to me hahaha!!


"friend,you asked the question how to get reconnected with your spirituality, i have some experience with this. 
well first off i as raised in a christian household & after leaving the church due to many trying and terrible things along with the fact i never connected to the church and was spiritually frustrated, i just decided to stop believing in god.

in order to find truth one must step away from god. it takes ALOT of cajones but you have to let go and look at religion from a third person view point. this will allow you to have more of a sense on how to fallow your gut to what path you want to fallow.

for me it was judaism, i remember my friend envying me to his/my temple & after hearing the first note of shabbat prayer i had an overwhelming and indescribable sense of peace wash over me. i knew that i was jewish then (but had to formally convert) and am so incandescently happy in my choice of religion because it fits me and i fit it.

but spirituality is like any relationship, except its a relationship with yourself. when i am refocused of my spiritual practice i feel grounded and harmonious, but when i am distracted & disconnected i feel like I'm floating in a sea of confusion and miscommunication. 

I've done a lot of inner meditation on how i understand and experience the nature of god, its rare that i specifically voice my meditations because it is very personal to me & I'm not sure if people will be judgmental or not. 

one of my good friends nick asked me a few days ago of my spirituality, and i was amazed to be completely dumbfounded as he asked me more and more specific questions and i was able to answer them all via word vomit because some how on a subconscious level i had already figured out how to put into words my experience and belief with spirituality. 

but I'm still learning new things about myself and the divine everyday!!!!!!!!!

as a jew we don't believe there is ONE religion, all religions are the same paths up the mountain & we all reach god at the top. its all the same.

don't give up on looking for your religious niche, keep an open mind & fallow your heart and you will find what you're looking for.

love and blessings!!! feel free to talk anytime"











Tuesday, June 5, 2012

ex butterflies




little words

"hey whats up
thinking about you today
howve you been
we could have brunch & hang at the beach
lol so everything is good i hope
ill tell you all about it when i see you
ok have a good night habibti
…..all of these little words in this technological communication we have christened texting. they may not look like much but habibti, they give me butterflies....cant wait to see you tomorrow my darling!!"
me to R one month ago.

uuuuughhhh THOSE FUCKING BUTTERFLIES!!!!!!!!
i used to be so so so in love with those little bastards
and now those butterflies have turned into
nasty 
gut wrenching 
poisonous 
spiders.
my god!!
how could this be real
when it feels so far away
and dreamy
i know im not the only one who has ever felt this way....
....but it feels like i am.
good bye my love
salaam habib.