SEPTEMBER 30th!!

well tomorrow is the anniversary of my birth, and i will be 19. my last year of being a teenager, and my last year of childhood!! im on the threshold of my youth.


18 was not the best year, many many struggles and hard times but overall i have grown so much and have become a much stronger person, although i have a long climb ahead of me still. life is full of ups and downs, it reminds me of the joni mitchell song:

"...and the seasons they go round and round

and the painted ponies go up and down

we're captured on a carousel of time

we cant look back we can only look behind from where we came,

and go round and round and round

in the circle game"

tomorrow i am going to breakfast with my sister kim at pannikin (my fave!!) then going on a walk with craig, then eating acai bowl for dinner & going to see one of my favorite films EVER midnight in paris by woody allen in la jolla theater!! YAY!!!!!! i dont really like making a big deal of my birthday, its just the best though getting to be with the people i love most.

happy new year!!!!!!!!!

my darling jews, and any jew who is a jew,

HAPPY MUTHAFUCKING NEW YEAR. teeheee i entertain myself, but seriously.

for myself the next ten days of awe i will be focusing on making amends with people who ive wronged this past year and looking forward another year of health for my friends and relations, and wish all of them the best year ever!!

on a serious note i will be revaluating my life, who i am as a person. how to become the person i want to be, and my connection with hashem. this is something that will take more than just 10 days, it will be something to work on for my entire life!! rosh hashanah and yom kippur are just small reminders (even though they are the high holy days) of what it means to be a true human being, how to be respectful & giving to others, and how to carpe diem the shit out of your life.

so shana tova.

different doors at different times

ive been feeling a bit lonely lately. i really miss my friends all gone at college. i am also a little envious of them. they are off on their big college adventures and im stuck here in san diego, a starving artist with no money, and its no longer the 50's so i cant hitch hike with out getting murdered like neil casaday or jack kuroac and meet awesome sauce people. maybe ill just road trip and bring a shit load of bear mase.

i see all of these photos on facebook and start feeling blue, but all i can do is make the best of whats going on in my life. i am grateful that i have such a cushy life and home, and im happy that i get this extra time to be with my jewish community & also being with my family with all thats been going on with mia familia.

even though i am very independent right now and on my own in a different way then my university-ite peers, its ok. there are times when youre not supposed to be with anyone, there are some doors you have to walk through alone.

robert california

so i am watching the season premier of the office season 8!!! im so excited its back on, ,just wondering how the show will do without steve carrell. the new character of the offices manager/CEO is "rober california" played by james spader.  i feel that this is a very savvy name. he is a very quirky and intimidating character, mixed in with dry humor. so i guess all you office fans out there, lets see how this plays out..........

find x.....

howdy. i just wanted to say that i finished my first math exam today!! it took me 1 hour on the dot. i dont want to jinx it so i wont say how i feel about how i did..........i am just going to have to keep it a suprise :))

also last week i found out my bestie jordan is moving back to norcal (my native land) from salt lake city to be a nanny up by sacramento!!! i smell a road trip, im extremely excited. ooh and if i go to visit here i can also go visti my friend evan at ucdavis. wow now im excited squared (hey a math term!!).

so thats pretty much it. please keep your fingers crossed for the sake of my exam grade gpa.

Psych reflections

MY PSHYCHOLOGY CLASS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my professor is hilarious. she is 5'0, fiesty, and is the definition of the South. shes also the human sexuality professor so we talk about sex alot too (one of my favorite subjects...no shit).

last class we had our first exam, so i wanted to reflect on what i have learned and what was poignant to me these last few classes.

one is the paradox of prosses:
so what is this paradox?? it on how we as a society have reacted to adjusting to modern life. for one, we enjoy this rush of technological revolution thus enjoy much more liesure time & choices. however, THIS DOES NOT MAKE US HAPPIER and our precieved qualilty of life has seemed to have gotten worse. mostly because our traditional sources of emotional security have been lost. family, community, and spirituality have weakened greatly. our mental demands of modern life have become much too complex and we have become excessively materialistic. we are on the constant search for fulfillment and the meaning of life.

the human mind is amazing!! we are the only animals on earth who are unique in the ways that excercise free will, personal growth, and we are rational beings driven by our consiousness.

humans are unique & aware of our own mortality, and this causes great anxiety which can be reduced by our world views and culture. constraints like family, school, and religion give us the sense of order, along with self esteem that serves as buffers from fear of death. so do things that boost your self esteem, folks.

we are amazing organisms, are we not??

growing

what a true statement this is. i read this and immediately thought of a very dear friend of mine. i still regard M as one of my best friends of all time, but alas we are on two different tracks in our life.

i think as people we have grown into exactly who we need to be. she has become a great lady in the past few years, she used to be pulled in two different directions of excessive high school drama and materialism and her spiritual calling to the church. for me it has been an internal struggle of self destruction and spiritual callings. although different struggles, we have had the parallel of utter ambivilence.

now M is on her way to thailand & australia for missionary work, she has become more down to earth and caring on her decissions to fallow christs teachings and has achieved spiritual enlightenment from scripture & community of her church, where i am fallowing my passion of art & have found my place as a jew & am absolutely in love with my jewish community!!!

how different our lives seem to be now, we were once inseperatable and now we have had to separate in order to fallow are hopes and dreams. because we have grown into our own selves, we have been forced to grow apart. but that doesnt mean that we have lost the love between eachother. its just different.